A Bit of Insight

Guuuhh... o_O
So my last post on this poor blog was...last November...*cough* >_>
I'm sorry, I'm just not a big blogger. I'm already super-active on Twitter, and any blogging I do is WoW-related, and goes on my webcomic, World of Warcraft, Eh?
In case you're wondering, the reason why I'm dusting off this crusty old blog is that I really just wanted to get all my thoughts out in one place. I am speaking as Kelly, not Cadistra the tauren druid. I'm hardly an eloquent writer, but here goes.

I wanted to give a brief background and opinion on the way I've been feeling and acting over the last little while. If you follow me on Twitter, it's no surprise that I'm not always moonbeams n' kittens. :P One of the bigger complications I've encountered is my weight. Yes, yes, I know what you're thinking: "Ah my Gawd, Kelly, that's sooooo shallow and conceited of you!" Well, if it is, then it is. I've had my good days and bad days, but that's part of being human. This morning, however, changed it up a bit - a older pair of jeans that used to hang off of me, was, well, no longer hanging off of me. They weren't tight, but a bit more snug than I'd like.

Again, I know - I sound like the most vain, vapid and airheaded bitch on earth. If you don't like what I have to say, I suggest you go play Peggle or something equally as entertaining.
One thing that I want to make clear is that I am not vain, but self-concious. I have spent more than the last decade of my life battling various degrees of various eating disorders. Please bear in mind, again, that I am not fishing for compliments, I am not looking for pity or comfort...I'm just getting everything down in writing. I hear it's therapuetic.

My older brother and I grew up as big kids. My Dad was raised (with his two brothers) by a verbally abusive father and a passive-aggressive mother. His mother/my late Grandmother did what any doting mother would do - stuff her kids full of sweets. Cakes, pies, cookies, pastries..all homemade, I might add - were a big enough part of my father's diet as a child. When he grew up, he somehow shed the weight, met my mother, and eventually had us. So, my brother and I grew up drinking a 2 L bottle of pop in two-three days max. Every weekend for breakfast would be homemade pancakes, waffles, french toast, or, if my Dad was coming back from a gig (he's a musician), he'd bring us doughnuts for breakfast the next day. Food was a major aspect of our lives. Much like this one episode of 'King of the Hill,' Bill exclaims to Hank that 'when I was happy, my mom gave me cookies. When I was sad, she gave me cookies. All of my emotions demand cookies, Hank!'

I was never 'obsese', but I was certainly a 'chunky monkey.' But I was happy. When you're a child, that's all that matters, eh? A memory that sticks with me to this day is when I was ten years old, I was happily eating a banana. My [biological] mother came up to me, gave me a sharp jab in the belly with her finger, and said "You need to lose some weight." Ten. I was ten Goddamn years old. That memory is still so vivid, that I could tell you exactly what I was wearing (a white Reebok t-shirt with grey sweatpants), hell, even the weather (cloudy, about 12 degrees) and the time (around 4:15 pm on a...Thursday, I believe). That kind of shit sticks with you; I don't care what you say.

Time passed. My Mom left/was kicked out for...activities I won't get into. I was eleven years old; still an elementary school student.

Two years passed, and my Dad met, dated, and subsequently engaged to the woman who would be my stepmother (I love her to bits, but at the time...hooo boy. =/). My stepmom was the very pinnicle of West Coast, Kitsilano health - a certified yoga teacher, vegetarian, ex-smoker...my Dad, wanting to change our relatively unhealthy lifestyle, literally switched everything overnight. Now, I'm sorry, but kids in their early teens don't react well to change, especially something so drastic. I was thirteen at that point, and just starting highschool. I was still a 'big girl,' but again, didn't really mind. I knew what it meant to be skinny, but I loved to eat, and associated many emotions and comforts with food. The coming of this new 'lifestyle' and the beginning of highschool was not a pretty sight. My Dad almost literally would drag me to the gym to get me to lose some weight. Everything sweet was dropped from the household; nothing but bland vegetarian food. Now, naturally, this sort of tension leads to 'want what you can't have.' Because sweets and junk food were bascially forbidden, I would sneak to the corner store with my friends and chow down on as much candy, chocolate, chips, and everything else we could get our hands on.

Highschool continued on in all it's cruel glory. I found the first half of eighth grade as a target for a group of bullies. Long story short, I transferred highschools after I was physically assulted by a battalion of the bullies and friends they had temporarily recruited.

This transferral was on the recommendation of the police chief of Mission.

The next year, at around the anniversary of the attack, I was diagnosed with fairly severe clinical depression. Much of my personal agony was surrounding my weight and my confidence, which some would say are intertwined. After two bouts of medication, things got better...I actually suffered a second bout of diagnosed depression just last November, but adamently refused medication; I wanted to 'see if I could beat it.' Sometimes I wonder if that was the best idea.... :P

In today's society, thin is in. Thin has always been in. There is scientific evidence, to a point, as to what we naturally find beautiful. What does evolution want us to look for in a mate? Well, an ample bosom and big hips - that's essential child-bearing equipment! I don't remember what it is, but National Geographic (I believe) did an entire study - worldwide, and in different cultures - and there were a few very similar traits that spanned across humanity as to what they found physically appealing. North America itself is just a cluster-fuck of terrible advertising and portrayals. I've seen what it takes to be a size 0 - A FUCKING SIZE 0 - and despite how incredibly unhealthy it is, it is still 'the in thing.' It's 'cool' and 'hip' to look like a head on a stick. I wouldn't be surprised if some of these women stopped menstrating; it's disgusting.

And yet...I can't spit without looking at a Cosmo magazine cover, with some lucious young beauty pouting her lips, or some other ludicrous women's publication going on about you can 'walk your way to a six pack in ten minutes' sort of baloney.

Now, since the days of the dreaded highschool PE class, my attitude has greatly changed. I actually really enjoy doing physical activities. Last year, a coworker of mine helped me sign up for the gym, which was probably one of the best things I've ever done for myself. I shed ten pounds of fat, gained six pounds of muscle, and had a body fat percentage of 33 (overweight) drop down to 29% in the first six months. That's amazing. Granted, my heaviest was a couple of years ago (165 lbs...), but I always hovered at around 145 lbs, which is...okay for my body type/height. Not great, but...sorta-kinda borderline overweight. I signed up for the diet plan, and I have completely changed the way I eat, for the better. For someone of my busy lifestyle, interests, and income bracket (I'm at the lower end of things), I eat exceptionally healthy. Also, I cut wheat out of my diet about eleven weeks ago, and have seen even better results (I was having digestive problems; thought I was celiac, but all tests said negative...I've felt better for giving it up, anyways).

...And yet...after a hectic several weeks of projects, OT at work, insane deadlines, little gym time, and even less sleep...

I knew I wasn't 'feeling myself.' I'm at the point in my life where I like being active. If I'm sedentary for long periods of time, I just feel...ick. I have to go out and get my blood pumping. I have to break a sweat, whether it's (now) running, weights, dancing, whatever. The heat wave, combined with the long hours at work allowed for more than a couple of Ice Caps at the Tim Hortons a few blocks down. So, after years of being 'the big girl,' I was down to a steady and comfortable size 8. Now, after wearing a pair of jeans I haven't worn in a few months - which, again, are a size 8 - I couldn't go through today without hating my body more than I've hated it in a long time.

A decent enough part of this non-existent self-esteem has come from - yes - men. I would give away any details, but let's just say the last two guys I've dated have not been the most supportive or forgiving of my slightly larger build.

Again, when I say 'slightly large' I mean 'a size 10.' :P

So now, I've been single for over a year, and I can't bring myself to go out and meet someone because I'm seriously terrified of being 'the big girl.' In order to avoid going out, I bury myself in my work, which leaves no time to go meet people, and then I get upset at being alone, so I bury myself in my work... I realize that I'm the victim of my own self-perpetuating cycle, but I just have no incentive, energy or inclination to change it, and I don't even know why myself.
I know - or at least have a feeling - that much of this will recede back within my mind after a few good solid weeks of running and weights. Once this final project is done, I'll have a life again, and regular gym times will once again be re-integrated into my routine. A big problem is that my body type does NOT lose weight very easily. Super-easy to gain, impossible - and requiring more drastic measures than I'm comfortable admitting here - to lose.

I honestly have no wisdom on this matter. If anyone - male or female, young or old - I am not yet strong enough to give you the advice to love yourself for who you are, because I'm not even at that point yet. You, though, should be proud of who you are and what you look like. Even better, if you have someone who loves you, go and give them a big hug and a kiss after you're done reading this; you don't know how lucky you are. I, on the other hand, am a hipocrite, and am notorious for not following my own advice. :P

I am not trying to compare myself to anyone. My brain does enough of that on it's own. I've lost count of the advertisements I see with beautiful, leggy, toned women touting the latest product, or the girls on the Skytrain who just seem so effortlessly thin..and I wish so badly that I could be that pretty, just for once.

I know this sounds shallow. I know that there's a lot more to me than just what I look like, and I know that I don't want to attract the kind of men who look for just that. But for once...for once...I'd like to be able to put on a nice pair of jeans, and be happy about the way I look. I know the attitude should be "Fuck society! Fuck the media! You GO, girl!" I wish I was strong enough to truly believe that every day.

If I were to impart one single nugget of advice: don't end up like me. Love yourself for who you are, because I have a feeling I'm caught in a trap that I haven't escaped for over ten years, and not sure if I ever will.


...And to think that all this was started with a slightly snug pair of jeans.

~K

L80ETC

Buggy Wyvern

Nagrand

The Real Rulers of BlackRock Depths!

Stuff n' Such

So! Woo! Another week gone by! Am I the only one who's crying inside because Christmas is only a few weeks away? Man, why does it come so fast when you're older? Not cool, dude...not cool.
The piccie that I drew is just a quick doodle, commemorating the four year anniversary of World of Warcraft! Thanks for taking our lives and money, Blizzard! Nah, you guys are great. =)
Again, not really a whole lot to say nowadays...doing quite good...working hard....
Oh! My webcomic, World of Warcraft, Eh? has been featured on WoW Insider! I couldn't believe it! Eeeeeee!!! XD I'll keep working hard to make WoW Eh a success! Er...artistically, that is. =3
Well, it's late, and I'll hopefull blog a little more seriously nowadays...if you want to get more up-to-date (and slightly WoW saturated info), go to the webcomic.
Peace out, yo~

~Kelly

More Piccies; sorry, no post this week

Waaah! I'm so tired! It's 12:13 am and I sleep about five hours a night!! T___T
No post today; I just want to post this piccie then GO TO BED.

More recent updates...?

Hey all,
Well, I guess considering I'm now just using this blog as a picture repository, I might as well post some updates as well. ^_^
I got a 360, and I'm eagerly awaiting Lich King. Rock. On. lol.
Anyways....I can't think of anything to say now, so I'll just post the pic I need. =3

~Kelly

PS - Obama FTW!!
PPS - Take a moment on Tuesday to remember our Canadian troops that fought and sacrificed so much in the first World War.

RIP, Ahab Wheathoof

Again, just using space

Another experiment...

This isn't really a post...

...More just a repository for some website stuff. =P
More to come. Or not. =P

A quick blurb before I go

Hey all,
Whew! I feel like I'm running around like a headless chicken! So much to do, so little time to do it in...lol. Story of everyone's life, I'm sure.
A few cool points:
-Fit Brains once again hit the number one featured game on Big Fish Games portal! I'd show you the screenshot, but it's on my work computer.
-Another E3 come and gone...thanks for giving us the shaft, Nintendo. 'Preciate it.
-I head off for Seattle tomorrow morning for the Casual Games conference! Too bad I don't have a camera, but I'll post about what I can! I'm so excited! =D

Time to split...I've got laundry to do before the night is up. =P

~Kelly

"Wow, Yugi's a real asshole."

Ha ha...no, he's not.

Well, he kind of is if you watch this: The Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged series by LittleKuriboh. He takes the episodes of the popular anime, edits them into about six-minute episodes, and does all the voice-overs. HILARIOUS. I highly recommend stopping by.

Hmmm...not a lot going on lately. Still on Dalvynger; stop by and say hi if you're Horde. And hey, even if you're not, come by and say hey anyways! I'm a big, friendly tauren, so I don't gank.

YET.

I hit a personal milestone the other day...I walked around in a bikini without crying in shame! Huzzah! lol! I know, I know, it's dumb and trivial, but hey - it's a first for me. Not saying I'm going to parade around, but I can at least do it! That's a start! ...Right? =/

Hmmm....also, one thing that has been bugging me...

Now, call me whatever you want: facist, cruel, whatever, but...I think, that in today's ultra-modern and ultra-spoiled society, I think that people need to fear authority again.

We see it all the time, especially here in Canada. Spoiled kids who's parents don't discipline them, and equally spoiled adults who can literally get away with murder. Very sick sexual offenders, after only serving what, five to seven years get moved to a halfway house in the middle of busy Vancouver? The most recent example was that one of the co-conspirators from the Air India bombing - the worst mass murder in Canadian history - has gotten off (on bail, I believe) after what...ten years? For killing 329 people?! You've got to be kidding me! Three hundred and twenty-nine lives cut short because of your pathetic grudge against a government across the OCEAN?!
I was talking about this same thing with a co-worker of mine, and we both ended up saying the fabled 'Oh, when I was their age, I was never that bad.'
And, well, maybe it's true. I'm in my early twenties, and when I see kids in their early to mid-teens being little shits, I always shake my head and think to myself that I was never that bad.
Nowadays, there are stipulations and regulations on everything. Don't let your child do this, don't let them do that, so on and so forth. What happened to the good ol' days of having a scraped knee or a bumped head? Now it's commonpractice to Lysol everything within a 30-foot radius. I mean, I'm not a parent, so I speak out of ignorance, but for God's sake, why not just bubble-wrap them and be done with it?
Things like spanking your child isn't allowed anymore. I mean, I'm not saying pull out the willow branch, but giving them a good smack on the bottom if they're out of control is necessary, I think. I've even heard this sort of crap where they're thinking of taking out letter grades from school because it can 'damage their fragile self-esteem!' That's great and all, but in ten years, when they get fired from their job, their boss isn't going to say "Well, you put in a great effort there, Timmy, even though you didn't serve a single customer. Try better tomorrow."
I know I'm going a little off-track, so back to my original point - fearing authority. Again, I'm not saying this should be V for Vendetta or anything, just....the police aren't there to look good on postcards or calendars, they're there to police.
Here in Canada, you can literally be caught with the smoking gun, and the worst you'll get is maybe ten years. With probation.
Justice is truly for the rich, as well. If you have the money, then you can whatever you please without the penalty.
...Honestly, I had a lot more to say on the topic, but it's late, I'm tired, and I still have stuff to do before the great beddies. ^_^;
Peace out everyone, and stay out of trouble.

~K

PS - For great coverage of E3, head over to www.joystiq.com

Hangin' round downtown

Hey all,
Well, first off, I've got to say I'm...surprised..and touched by the comments I've recieved regarding the last post two weeks or so back. Thank you all for your support; really. It means a great deal. It's also nice to see that people actually read this thing. =P ha ha...
Pardon again for the lack of posting. I'm a creature of habit, and having Monday AND Tuesday off kinda threw me off track. ^_^;;
A couple of things on the radar....

-I saw Pixar's Wall-E last night, and WOW. Once again, they have truly outdone themselves. Before I got to see the film, my biggest question (and what I was most excited to see) was how. How did they do it? All of the starring characters in that movie don't talk! They're robots...all they can really do is....well, emote. It's easy to show when Wall-E or EVE are happy, sad, annoyed, but to convey their entire personality on top of that was a real treat to watch. I need to find out who animated on that...
Not to mention that story-wise, it's probably the darkest plot they've undertaken so far. While The Incredibles has so far been the only Pixar movie to be rated PG, Wall-E's adventures end up defining the literal salvation of mankind, and this poor abused planet we live on. It's a fantastically charming story of love, companionship, devotion, and perserverance. Hats off to you once again, Pixar. =)
- I finally got to try out Mario Kart Wii. Eh....not impressed, Nintendo. Just because SSBB was a real show-stopper, doesn't mean it's going to carry all of your weight. Pick up your own slack and quit cheaping out.
- A few great concept art sites worth checking out...
~ www.conceptart.org
~ www.sonsofthestorm.com
Something nice to strive for (after I'm done chopping my hands off)...lol
-Oh, and, because I feel I have to openly support him (sorry if I offend anyone, but..it's nothing personal): I would like to say a hearty congratulations to Mr. Henry Morgentaler for recieving the Order of Canada award. This man rose up from the horrors committed by mankind (he was a Polish jew in the interment camps) and has strived to give women the ultimate gift - reproductive freedom. He has about six operting abortion clinics across Canada, and I think it's an amazing thing. He's fought controversy, beravement, and probably many threats to his practice, yet he kept going. Before he was 'legalized', Morgentaler performed thousands of illegal abortions, just so women could choose what to do with their lives. This is one of the reasons why I love this country so much.
So, to any pro-life advocates out there, keep believing what you believe. Keep forcing women into a corner, into poverty and ruin because you're useless and faceless God says it's 'not a nice thing.' Keep believing that your body is a slave to society, and that you have no say in how you want to do family planning. Hey, whatever twirls your Santa.
Or, how about this - to all you ignorant and bigoted pro-life activists out there - if life is so precious, why bring it into the world when you know it will not be cared for? If, for example, I had a kid in the next year, I wouldn't be able to survive. Within months I would have lost my job, and most likely either been living in my parents basement or on the street. I would have no job, no money, and no life.
Who wants to do that for their child?
Or here's somethingn else to chew on - there are already THOUSANDS of children worldwide, even nationwide, that are desperately waiting to be adopted. If you can pay to find EVERY SINGLE ONE a good home, well then howdy-day, you'll have put me in my place.
Why not crusade against the thieves? The murderers? The rapists? Why hassle and target women who have maybe made a poor decision, or worse - sexually assulted.
Why? Because they're already lost and frightened, and I know how religious zealots can smell fear. It's like blood to a shark. Easy prey.
I am pro-choice. A women's body is a temple; her own most sacred possession, and I'll be god DAMNED if anyone will tell me what to do with it.

...Well, that's all I've got for now. Keep it real, everyone. Make sure you enjoy the summer sunshine (if you have any where you are!)

~Kelly

People Like us; and You Know Who You Are

Hey...

Sorry for the lack of update last Sunday. It was...taxing, to say the least. (Well...apologies to anyone who actually reads this stupid thing.)

Now, over this past week, I've come to realize something...something important, something pertinant about people like me.

"Now," you inquire. "What's a 'person like you'? What does that even mean?" Well, a person like me is not incredibly attractive by any means or standards. I'm average height, pretty good teeth, decent skin (pale, at that). I have glasses (contacts when it's sunny), I'm...'curvy' (not fat or even overweight, just not...skinny)...I like 'guy' things, like video games, anime, animation (I'm one o' those 'artsy' types), and while fundamentally shy, I have the tendancy to be quite loud, and should probably clean up my language a bit.

People like me, well, I've figured that we just don't really get anything. We don't win. We don't succeed. We might a little bit, a small victory in the ever-waging battlefield that is life...something to keep us going. But really, those tiny wins are things like "Oh hey, I got a small raise!" or "I just redecorated my home a little bit!"

People like me don't have a great deal of money, possessions, and not a great deal of disposable income. So, while 'other people' spend their money on mani/pedis, carrot tans, Baby Phat shoes and handbags, and bad dye jobs, people like me spend their money on things that are required in the future: debt payments, RRSPs, and some sort of rudimentary savings. People like them have REAL disposable income.

Which, in turn, even with their fake attitudes, and carrot tans, and weighing 80 pounds, men still go after them.

Why?

Because they're one of those people.

For the sake of no scientific proof, those people are the wealthy, the physically attractive, the affluent, the socialites. Women who have the uncanny ability to be about as smart as a lawn chair, but can drink, laugh at all the right jokes, make friends with all the right people, but most importantly, look good while doing it. Men go after those women because they say that they want a friend, a companion, a soulmate, blah blah blah, but in reality, they want a good-looking fuck. A yes-man (girl?). Someone fun and moderately tolerable to show off to their friends, to say 'what a great catch' she was.
For the sake of political correctness, men say that they 'don't mind a bigger girl,' and that it's 'more cushion for the pushin' or something equally witty.
I have found this to be a huge, fucking, bald-faced lie.
Men really want the size 1-0s; they want the amazon women who, for some reason, either plastic surgery, genetics (lucky bitches), or whatever, but they're tall, they're beautiful, they have to be at least a 34-C, and of course, the above-mentioned money, looks, skin, hair, etc.
Before I dated my previous ex, I had mentioned something very similar to what I am posting now. His reply was "Well, do you really want those kind of guys to be attracted to you?" At the time, of course, I said something like "Well, it's better than what I have now (which was at the time nada)."
Now, the sad part. If you think about this as a real scientific analysis, then, well, I'm literally destined to be alone for the rest of my life. And no, I'm not boo-hooing as I'm typing this, acting all dramatic like my world is over. No. That's all over. As I type this, it's a grim realization; something I've come to terms with, and something that I'm probably going to carry with me the rest of my pathetic life. Hmm...maybe the closest feeling would be....getting the news that I have a terminal illness, or something. There's absolutely nothing you can do, you just, well....deal. You give a grim smile, sigh, and carry on, because that's all you can do. (Now, to anyone actually reading this thing, I am not comparing this to a terminal disease, because that's horribly self-centered of me. I'm just using it for the general feeling right now. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. =/ )
In about....oh, two and a half days, I am going to be a young woman of 23. Thinking back, I've gone through a lot, and I've worked very hard to get to where I am now. And really, I suppose I'm happy. I've got my own place (renting...ha ha ha), I'm finally, after 5+ years, am making a decent headway with my debts, I'm saving (RRSP and others), I have great friends, and I love my job.
But....
A friend of mine told me earlier this week that "You don't need to validate your exsistance through someone else. You need to able to love yourself before you can love anyonen else." Now, kudos to her, as those were really some amazing words of wisdom, but it's not really something I'm willing to follow just now. I know that you can't do that; that you really do need to love yourself and have confidence. But, when you're almost 23, with my track record, doubt starts to rear it's ugly head.
I'm almost 23, and I have never:
-Celebrated Valentines Day with a loved one, or had any sort of 'romantic getaway'
-Celebrated ANY holiday or special occasion with a loved one
-Recieved flowers as a romantic gesture
-...Recieved flowers at all
-Had anything really nice and thoughful (again, romantic) done for me - ie. someone cooking a dinner for me, giving me a shoulder rub, anything, really
-Had anyone really 'take care' of me. I'm always the one cooking, cleaning, and generally making sure they're comfortable.
-Had a boyfriend who wanted to be around me

I don't know what I am to men. I don't know how I present myself, or just why I seem to be the most unattractive human being alive. The sad thing is that I don't want to give up what I love in order to be loved. I love video games and gaming. I love the industry. I love animation, I love drawing. These things are going to be a part of my life, and while I am going to be alone, well, for the rest of my life, I pour myself into my work so I can feel at least somewhat fulfilled.
I guess it's either one or the other, huh?
Honestly, as pathetic as it sounds, I'd rather be alone and love what I do than be with someone who wants some dumb blonde to fuck on a Friday night. Also, I'm a red head, so that's not possible.
So, on the eve of a new week, and the new summer season (where??), I close the book on yet another spectacularly unsuccessful relationship.

With that being said...

You Know Who You Are.

You're a coward. You led me around with a carrot on a string for six fucking months while you ignored me, used me, and walked all over me. I never once asked for anything. I never once raised any objections when after weeks of not seeing eachother, you would shove me aside so you could go hang out with your friends. You came over only for free home-cooked meals and a warm bed to sleep in.
I take back what I said. No, I do not want to be your friend. Frankly, if I see you again in the next year, it'll be too soon.
You broke my heart. You broke me. I have no self-worth, no self-esteem, and no confidence. When I was with you, I was happy. I felt powerful. Attractive - no, sexy. Desirable. Confident. I felt like I could take on the world.
Now, I spend my nights drinking, going to the gym, and drinking some more. Once again, I'm alone. And alone I will be for...well, I don't even want to think about that anymore.
So I hope you're pleased with yourself. I hope you find another fancy fuck who's willing to change your diaper and give you your warm bottle while you don't have to lift an emotional finger. I hope you rot in whatever psychological prison you've fashioned for yourself.
You're on your own. I will not, nor will I ever, offer you any more guidance, or even a shoulder to cry on.
Nice to see at least one of us was willing to put themselves on the line for the other.
You're a self-centered prick. Live with it, and love it, because that is the real you.

I need a drink.

~K

Musings, the general, and when did November creep up on us...?

That's what I would like to know!
It's June 9, and it's probably a bit less than 10 degrees...it's cold, rainy and windy. Don't get me wrong, I love this province, but holy hell..considering that Vancouver has the....third (?) highest cost of living in probably North America, you would at least think that we could get a bit of sun. =P
That's...one thing that's been bothering me for a while now. Cost of living.
I realize that one must incure expenses. Such is adult life. You pay your rent, your bills, food, any debt you might have (credit cards, lines of credit, student loans, etc.) and whatever form of entertainment strikes your fancy. But now, especially with the 2010 Olympics on the way, I'm really starting to wonder - who exactly is benefitting from this again? Certainly not the working-class poor, the single mothers, those who work several minimum wage jobs to survive. In fact, I wonder if the only people who are doing this with a smile on their faces are the very wealthy, any investors, and the government.
I'm sure the Olypmics are going to be great, but at what cost? What cost, Gordie? You've literally fucked everyone who isn't bringing in over $35,000 a year! Oh, sorry, what does that comprise? Probably around 60% of the goddamn workforce!!
My workplace is situated in the very edge of the worst part of town. I have had to shoo crack addits out of my front door a few times, and we see and hear police whiz by several times a week. These people are sick. If not physcially, then mentally. I feel no pity for those who are there by choice; just to feed their filthy habit, but I weep for the mentally ill, the elderly, the disabled. They've all been ushed out onto the streets because all of their safehousing, mental health homes/clinics and retirement centers have all been closed down all from the lack of funding.
Goverment funding.
I hope you're happy there, Gordie! I hope you choke on a dirty needle when you take your first bite into that delicious 2010 Olympic games hot dog from your VIP seats. Useless bueracratic tit.
I'm not saying I could do a better job, but after being either working class poor or a student for almost all of my adult life, I can relate. I know what it's like not to be able to afford to feed yourself. It's not fun.
Honestly, I'm hoping for a housing market crash, a tuition freeze, and maybe a bit of an economic slip. Personally, I'm really not in the mood for another rent increase before the year is up.

Also, before I head off, another quick note:
We all recieved this email from a Fit Brains customer about a day and a half after our official launch....it literally brought tears to my eyes.

Hi there Michael,
I just wanted to take the opportunity to commend you on the wonderful site. Two years ago, at the age of 25, a cavernoma hemorrhaged to 2 cm in my left temporal lobe. According to the MRI, my brain looked like I was in a coma, though I was still awake and talking. The doctors could not explain it, but it was apparent that my right side had taken over the language function and was keeping me in a semi conscious state. Their only explanation was that I was one of the 'lucky' few. A short time later a craniotomy was performed to remove the bleeding. I woke up with minimal side effects, again to the surprise of the neurological staff. (I was not expected to speak and/or comprehend.) Since then I have been searching for an explanation for my recovery, other than luck.
Several months ago I came across the research of Dr. Yaakov Stern regarding cognitive reserve. I was very intrigued, as it seemed like the explanation I'd been searching for. I contacted Dr. Stern, but was disappointed to find his research focuses on post mortem testing. Simply proving the existence of cognitive reserve, instead of ways to improve or retrieve the knowledge.
As a child I read through virtually the entire children/young adult section of the local library. With a very high IQ, I absorbed information like a sponge. It seems now that I was able to build quite a strong reserve, which I believe I am still 'working from' today. I have lost the higher level of vocabulary, but still manage to function on an above average level. Unfortunately that makes rehabilitation a bit tricky. I excel on the tests given to other patients, but to me that does not matter. I feel that I should be able to rehabilitate to the highest level that I can achieve, not what the average is. I am confident that my brain can relearn what I have lost, and constantly strive to learn more.
I have been very impressed with the setup of the Fit Brains site, and your focus in the area of cognitive reserve. I have not come across another site with such in depth personalized reports and focus on each of the cognitive skills. The fact that it's free is even better.
There are so many brain injury survivors do not have a steady income to afford even a small monthly payment. When the free beta site went up, I forwarded it on to my team of specialists at GF Strong. They were equally impressed, and have begun to recommend the site to other patients as a tool for rehabilitation.
I have not yet had the opportunity to look at the new platform, but I look forward to exploring the latest developments.

Keep up the great work!!
Sincerely,
Audra M.

(I removed the last name just for privacy and politeness.)

I am so happy that our work is changing lives like this. Sure, our games can't contest to a good Halo deathmatch, but this is what makes it all worth it. ^_^ All the best, Audrea...our thoughts and support are with you.

Keep it real, all.
~K

Fit Brains FTW!!

Well, it's Monday, June 2...officially the first day of our site launch.

Honestly, it was a little more anti-climactic than I though it would be...lol...but really, it felt so good to hear my boss say "Well gang, this is it. We're finally up now!" I work with some of the most talented, amazing and hard-working people I've ever met. Everyone has their own quirks, but hey, who doesn't?

I raise a glass to everyone! Great job, team! You all deserve the praise. =)

So, once again, for the three people (if not less) that read this sorry excuse for a blog, http://www.fitbrains.com/. Take a bite. It's delicious. =3

Now, I'm going to talk about what I probably shouldn't, and that's World of Warcraft. YES, I FINALLY started playing. I know, I know....shame on me and all that jazz.

My first encounter with WoW dates back to 2003, when it was actually released in North America. I was working at my first EB Games job over in the new Mission store. To be honest, I had known about the general Warcraft universe...my brother and a few of my friends were big fans, but at that time, and what was my reasoning since it came out: MMO's require two things I don't have: time and money. If I wasn't working two to three part-time, minimum wage jobs to stay afloat, then I was a full-time student. THEN I was knee-deep in animation work! So now....finally....finally, after all this time, I finally started playing.

And you know what?

I LOVE it!

This is actually my main, Cady...I haven't made any alts yet.

Moo. Yes, for some reason, I have a big tauren fetish. Well, okay, not so much a fetish as I just really like them. I admire the Tauren....honorable people, who respect eachother and strive only to coexsist in harmony with the Earth Mother (Mother Nature, if you will). Their entire culture has, not once, ever seen progress through conquest...they have fought in wars, but only to defend that which they believe is worth protecting.

So, this is Cady. She's my level...18 druid. Currently, I am pulling my hair out trekking across the Goddamn continent trying to get her water travel form. Ugh. -_-

If you'd like more information on the Tauren race, please consult your local library, or just parouse through here: www.wowwiki.com. VERY handy site for everyone...from the lowly noob to the seasoned veteran, there's something new for everyone to learn. I'm actually having a lot of fun reading about all of Azeroth's history and major heros and villians. Very fun stuff. =)

So, with that being said, there's something I've been thinking about: in MMO's, it is said that nearly 80% of female avatars/characters are actually all played by men. Now, when I asked my boyfriend about it (he used to be big into Guild Wars), I asked him why he played a female character. After a bit of mumbling and dodging, I concluded for him that it all comes down to one factor: who's ass would you rather stare at for hours at a time? A big hairy man ass, or a supple female derier? I would assume the choice was obvious, and he agreed.

So, then, by his (my?) definition, does that me some sort of lesbian? No, it doesn't. When given the chance for character customization, I will, almost without fail, play a woman. Why? Because I enjoy living the fantasty of playing a strong female character. Cady, my tauren, is probably about over seven feet tall, and several hundred pounds. She's not obese; she has a wonderful hourglass figure, actually, but she's strong. Cady can shapeshift into fearsome animals with the click of a button. She can cast painful and debilitating spells that can lay a mob or player to waste. I play women because I like seeing women succeed. Pardon the language, but fuck all that damsel in distress bullcrap. I am a modern woman, and I like playing powerful, intelligent and independant characaters. Plain and simple.

Again, if anyone else actually does read this blog, thoughts? Comments? Am I off my rocker? Who knows?

The important thing is, for MMOs and any other game you play, play to have fun. =)

Peace out, yo~

Kelly